The infamous.
Montell Williams Show.
I appeared on the Montell Williams Show when I was 15 years old.
The topic was about young girls and strained relationships with their mothers.
How could we effectively communicate with our mothers and have better relationships moving forward.
Visibly, I looked innocent and childish.
I mean, technically, I was a child.
I wore overalls and Princess Reeboks.
Little did everyone know.
Physically, I was a hot, rebellious, grown ass mess.
I was involved in things no one would ever believe.
I was smoking weed.
I refused to go to school.
I was on the verge of failing the 9th grade.
The neighborhood boys were the only things on my mind.
And when Montell Williams point blank asked me if I was having sex.
I stared him straight in the eyes and lied.
I told him I was not having sex when in fact, I was creeping outside every night to engage in sexual activity.
A mess.
Searching for affection.
Searching for acceptance.
Abandonment issues.
Longing to fit in by any means necessary.
Could you believe I was doing all the things listed above, however, I was on the show talking about “my mother won’t let me go outside?”
Who could blame her!
I could not be trusted.
I was too young to realize it back then.
I lacked big time.
I was crying out for attention.
The show also featured 3 other girls alongside me with the same issues.
One girl was pregnant and had to tell her mom on the show.
One girl complained that her mom rather spend time with her man than spend time with her children.
And the last girl was abandoned by her Mom, forcing her to take care of herself and divorce her mother legally.
All of us were suffering from the same things and it manifested in different ways.
We were all young and:
Searching for affection.
Searching for love.
Searching for acceptance.
Longing to fit in by any means necessary.
Suffering from abandonment issues.
We turned to our mothers to provide these needs.
When in fact…
Our mothers were also 15 year old girls who were:
Searching for affection.
Searching for love.
Searching for acceptance.
Longing to fit in by any means necessary.
Suffering from abandonment issues.
Our mothers had not healed from whatever traumas they encountered as young girls.
They had nothing to offer us at that time.
I watch my show every year and I take something different from it each time.
I often wonder what ever happened to the girls who were on the show alongside me.
What ever happened to their Moms?
Were they ever able to build relationships with each other?
Did they all find the affection, love and acceptance they were all seeking?
Did they heal their abandonment issues?
As for my update:
I’m now a 37 year old, mother of 2.
One son, one daughter.
The relationship with my mother improves each year.
It gets better.
This is due in part because I’ve chosen to:
Love myself.
Accept myself.
Take care of myself.
Be honest with myself.
Trust God.
Im human.
I still have issues.
However.
I no longer look to my mother, or anyone else, to provide these things to me.
I’ve chosen to get to know my mother; be curious about her as a woman.
It’s definitely a process.
I’m on this healing journey so that my children will have a whole woman as a mother and not the 15 year old girl that appeared on the Montell Williams Show.
Konfashionable Mind 
I am happy that your relationship with your mother is improving
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Thank you so much, I appreciate that!
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God is so good! Way to breakthrough generational curses!
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Wont He do it!! Thank you!!!!
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Mother’s occupy such a critical role in their children’s physical and emotional growth. Just like with any other relationship, the key is being flexible. Mother’s have to grow and change in the relationship with their children so that bond can be lifelong and intimate. Mother/children relationships are developmentally important because their our very first relationship and most intimate one for the mothers who are able to carry and birth their children. Kudos to you for making the first move, changing yourself, communicating and being an active listener to get to know your mom as a person, balancing that individuality and closeness and being able to forgive, it’s so important to set boundaries!!! As parents, we do the best we can with what we were given, we learn along the way and that’s why as we get older we are able to understand the choices our parents made. Some things I’ve learned as far as having a good relationship with your children is to just spend a good amount of time together, don’t make them feel guilty about choices they’ve made, don’t try to change who they are let them be the version of themselves they want to be, keep the conflicts positive because it will be some, let your children contribute something to the relationship and allow them to fail.
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