Konfessions: Journey to 135

Steps on scale.

Scale reads 154 pounds.

I look on in horror!

“Nah, Cant be…”

This scale obviously hasn’t been calibrated in a long time.

Steps off scale.

Shakes scale.

Replaces battery.

Steps back on scale.

Butt naked.

Scale still reads 154.

For the first time in my life, I’m appalled by my weight increase.

I mean.

Yeah , I noticed the muffin top growing over the tops of my pants/skirts.

Yeah, I noticed that my clothes were fitting extra snug lately.

Yup, I must admit, I noticed myself using safety pins for buttons that popped off and for zippers that decided to end their life due to my excessive weight gain.

I also noticed my hips and backside enlarging.

Now as a black woman, that’s not always a bad thing.

However, Id rather be walking around with a healthy heart instead of a healthy backside.

Actually, Id rather have both.

But any who….

Back to the utterly preposterous scale reading.

I also noticed my self esteem.

My confidence.

It was low.

I started comparing myself to other women.

“Why can’t I just snap my fingers and look like Ashanti?”

“Well, Ashanti doesn’t have kids…”

“That’s true…”

“But Ma’am, you’re youngest baby is 9 years old, you have no excuse”

“Shut up Gemise…”

Feeling frustrated that I’ve let my body down.

I grab a pint of Haagen Dazs and devour the whole thing.

What’s devastating is that my peers are dying of heart attacks , diabetes and other weight related illnesses.

It’s scary.

I’m 37.

I’m still young.

I have 2 beautiful children who depend on me.

Stepping out of my comfort zones and facing my fears head on is a priority.

Growing as a woman and releasing myself from trauma related dysfunction is a priority.

My health should be a priority too.

Physically taking care of my body is something that I am uncomfortable with.

I am uncomfortable with exercising.

Eating healthy is foreign to me.

However.

This time is different.

Instead of running from the difficulties in life.

I’m running towards it.

I am determined to run the race and stay on track with my diet and exercise.

The scale read 154.

God said that the scale should read 135.

His words, not mine.

I will not question it.

I will do as told.

Join me on my…

Journey to 135.