Steps on scale.
Scale reads 154 pounds.
I look on in horror!
“Nah, Cant be…”
This scale obviously hasn’t been calibrated in a long time.
Steps off scale.
Steps back on scale.
Scale still reads 154.
For the first time in my life, I’m appalled by my weight increase.
Yeah , I noticed the muffin top growing over the tops of my pants/skirts.
Yeah, I noticed that my clothes were fitting extra snug lately.
Yup, I must admit, I noticed myself using safety pins for buttons that popped off and for zippers that decided to end their life due to my excessive weight gain.
I also noticed my hips and backside enlarging.
Now as a black woman, that’s not always a bad thing.
However, Id rather be walking around with a healthy heart instead of a healthy backside.
Actually, Id rather have both.
But any who….
Back to the utterly preposterous scale reading.
I also noticed my self esteem.
It was low.
I started comparing myself to other women.
“Why can’t I just snap my fingers and look like Ashanti?”
“Well, Ashanti doesn’t have kids…”
“But Ma’am, you’re youngest baby is 9 years old, you have no excuse”
“Shut up Gemise…”
Feeling frustrated that I’ve let my body down.
I grab a pint of Haagen Dazs and devour the whole thing.
What’s devastating is that my peers are dying of heart attacks , diabetes and other weight related illnesses.
I’m still young.
I have 2 beautiful children who depend on me.
Stepping out of my comfort zones and facing my fears head on is a priority.
Growing as a woman and releasing myself from trauma related dysfunction is a priority.
My health should be a priority too.
Physically taking care of my body is something that I am uncomfortable with.
I am uncomfortable with exercising.
Eating healthy is foreign to me.
This time is different.
Instead of running from the difficulties in life.
I’m running towards it.
I am determined to run the race and stay on track with my diet and exercise.
The scale read 154.
God said that the scale should read 135.
His words, not mine.
I will not question it.
I will do as told.
Join me on my…
Journey to 135.