Konfessions: I Surrender…

Every month, the women’s ministry of my church holds a Women’s Meeting. Its a time for fellowship, prayer and bonding.

At the beginning of every year we usually meet to create vision boards. This year the women decided to do something different. Last month, all of the women were asked to spend time with God and allow Him to speak to us individually regarding a word or phrase that He has for us and what He wants us to DO with our word. Once we receive our “word” from God, this upcoming weekend, we will each create bracelets using our word and then share what God revealed to us to everyone.

Me, being the creative being that I am, was ecstatic when I heard that we would be creating bracelets. All I heard was bracelets!! 😁

Then I had to stop and think about the real purpose of this event. Spending time with God and allowing him to speak a word to me.

Well, God, must’ve been anxious for me to hear His word. It came to me instantly.

“Surrender”

I heard it loud and clear.

I immediately searched for the definition.

Surrender – to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand.  To give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favour of another. Implies giving up after a struggle to retain or resist.

Its the story of my life.

I fight for control of almost every aspect of my life.

I control the narrative.

I control my kids. I control my husband. I control my job situation. I control what I eat. I control what I wont eat. I control how I spend time with my family and friends. I control what I spend. I control where I go.

Or so I thought…

All of the things I’ve listed above have been negatively spinning out of control. It has been for years. A long time.

What I’ve failed to realize is, I’m not in control of anything.  Like, I’m not in control of nothing. Not. One. Thing.

God is.

And throughout all these years, I’ve been resisting and fighting Him for control.

I mean fighting, Honey!

Like a man in the street.

Like Floyd Mayweather vs. Adrien Broner.

I don’t mind getting ugly either! Bruised and bleeding, I continue to fight.

Then there comes a point where you get tired of fighting.

I don’t even recall what I’m fighting for.

I know I’m tired though. God knows it too.

That’s why he whispered to me.

“Surrender”

Let it go.

Stop fighting.

Give it to Him.

God even had the nerve to tell me ” You’re not even a fighter for real, so just stop!”

I was like “What God, you just gon call me out like that, like I’m a chump?”

He hollered ” I just did”

I said, “Ok, you know what, you got this, you better be glad I love you…”

I surrendered.

And life has been so much easier so far…

So yeah, my word for this weekend is…

Surrender.