Konfessions: The Road To Self Forgiveness

2018 was a year of self discovery.

My therapist led me on a long journey of navigating who I was and where I came from. I couldn’t believe it took thirty something years to actually sit down and really think about these things. That journey opened up my heart and my mind. I began the process of reconciling with family members and friends who I neglected over the years. I became curious about those people. What was it about those people that irritated me? I figured out that those irritants had to be exposed because whatever it was, it was a direct reflection of myself.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall: I learned to recognise myself in other people. Everything and everyone is your mirror. It is only when you understand what it truly means to see yourself reflected back at you, that there is no room for blame, there is no room for judgement and there is no room to feel like a victim of another person’s actions or words.

The more you dislike a certain quality, the more it is showing you a part of your consciousness that you are not acknowledging. For instance, if you dislike your partner’s jealous nature, you will find that you too are jealous perhaps not of him or her but of others. If your partner’s competitiveness annoys you, you will find that you too are competitive. If your partner’s negativity or insecurities get you down, you will find that you too have a negative nature and the same insecurities. The only reason that these qualities are annoying you is because they are also yours. As long as you do not acknowledge them as your own they will continue to frustrate you, while owning up to them provides you with the chance to grow.

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Photo by Nadine Wuchenauer on Pexels.com

Through this revelation, I began to forgive others. I let things go. Situations that would normally upset me to no avail, I began writing them down and assessing them. I started listening, instead of being frustrated, upset and flying off the handle. When I did fly off the handle (because I’m human), I thought about why I did that and I apologized.

The key phrase in all of that was, ” I forgave others”.

But what about myself?

I subscribe to Alex Elle and I receive her monthly emails. I received one today and it sparked my interest. Her post was about self forgiveness.

Suddenly it clicked. 2018 was a process of forgiving others.

2019 will be the process of forgiving myself.

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In the email I received today, Alex Elle asked the following questions:

1. What does self-forgiveness feel like in your life?
2. How can you hold more space for self-compassion, especially when facing adversity?
3. Why is self-forgiveness a difficult task?
4. In what ways are you learning the importance of giving yourself grace?

These questions will be my blueprint for 2019.