Relationships: What About Your Friends?

I was raised in a home where the motto was “Do not allow females in your home, because you can not trust them.”

My mother had long time girlfriends that she grew up with, but there was never a time where her good gal pals came over to the house when they needed to talk or vent and she never went out for much needed girl time. I never grew up and witnessed what it was like to have healthy girlfriend relationships.

I was very shy and quiet in elementary school. I made one friend. I was not allowed to invite my one friend over to hang out and I was not allowed to attend sleepovers. After elementary school, my one friend and I fell off and I entered into middle school.

In middle school, I made one friend. Again, I was not allowed to invite my friend over to my house and I was once allowed to go over my friend’s house for a couple Of hours (I’m not sure how we convinced my Mom to allow that). Towards the end of middle school, I transferred to a new school and lost contact with my one friend. I made another new friend (whom I knew from elementary school) at my new school and then I entered into high school.

In high school, I maintained the same one friend and I was happy with that. As a teenager, I pushed the envelope with my mother regarding girlfriends. I became rebellious. I would hook school and invite my best friend over to hang out during school hours. I was going to be normal, even if it had to happen during school hours.

As a young adult, I had trouble making friends. It wasn’t until I met my husband, that I inherited his friends. His friends’ girlfriends became their wives and my best friends. I now had a circle of friends whom I loved dearly, but still kept at a distance. I always felt as if I had no connection with women. “Women are sensitive and dramatic, guys are easier to connect with”. That is what Id tell myself. Deep down I knew that I just didn’t know how to make girlfriends. I couldn’t trust women because all Ive ever known growing up was “females are jealous, you cant trust any of them”.

I’m not sure what happened in my mothers childhood or adult life that made her feel this way towards women. There is definitely some truth to some of the things she has said over the years, however Ive never heard of her taking these jealous women to the side and asking them why they were so jealous. Maybe they admired her and didn’t know how to communicate it. Maybe my Mom admired those jealous women and didn’t know how to communicate it. Women are crazy!! 😂

As a grown woman, Ive come to the conclusion that I need women in my life. Positive women. I dont even like to refer to women as “females”. It sounds so negative. My sisters (as I like to call them) are positive forces in my life. Not only are they women I can talk and vent to, but I learn from their experiences. Its refreshing to know that you have  girlfriends who support you and are there for you through good and bad times. To know that you arent the only one going through a trial in life. Women to celebrate with you when you have hit a milestone and women who are there to lift you up when you have failed. Girlfriends who are honest with you and are able to tell you about yourself in love and not with hate. I encourage my daughter’s friendships. She has play dates and sleep overs. She has different pockets of girl friends.

I now have different groups of girlfriends. Gone are the days of my “one friend” mentality. I have my best friend girl group (My Boo’s), my spiritual sisters (Hallelujah), my PYT girl group (they keep me young and fresh) and my coworker friends.

There are times when new friend opportunities would present itself and I would shrink back to that little girl questioning their angles. Ive learned this little word called “discernment”. Discernment is the ability to judge well. Remove those people who are not good for you.

Its also important to be a good friend. I’m good at being a good friend to myself, but I have a hard time opening up and being a good friend to others.

Being a good friend means:

  1. Making sure your friends are okay the moment you sense something is wrong. …
  2. Knowing when to be serious and when to be goofy. …
  3. Going the extra mile when they ask for help. …
  4. Not giving up on them during their darkest hours. …
  5. Making them feel wanted. …
  6. Telling them, “I’ve always got your back,” at least once (and mean it.)…
  7. Praying for them…

My goal for 2019 is to be a better friend.

Do you feel that girlfriend relationships are vital or are women not to be trusted?